he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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