what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
