I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He felt like a one man threesome
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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