I feel like abortions should bother me more
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
