I wish my penis had an off switch
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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