capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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