yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize