i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
