Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
