apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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