google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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