Heybabeimwearingurpanties
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The ass gains better be worth it
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