grandma shit on top of the toilet
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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