apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
