planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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