Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
