go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
did i walk over a car last night?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
