Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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