i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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