you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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