there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
