Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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