I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
