I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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