I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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