you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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