My first STD was from a foam party
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
