This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
