You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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