You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
