I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize