I met the friendliest cop last night
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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