I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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