can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
