Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
