at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
