Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
