two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
