I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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