I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
