Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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