either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
