I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
