it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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