Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm really busy with my period
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