i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
