After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize