You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
