dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
