Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize