just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
