Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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