I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
