I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
home. puking in laundry basket.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
