Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
