Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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