she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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