I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
