don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
