Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize