well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So much Jack, so little girl.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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