I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
