I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
