I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
