Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
