sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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