We won't sleep together?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize