i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
