You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
