Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
