I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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