i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
