I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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