I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
