i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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