My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
