It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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