Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
