On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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