It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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