Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize