I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
