You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
