He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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