I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
