That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
