I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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