im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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