Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
