so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize