Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
