is your mom at the bar?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
