Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
