Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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