I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
