At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
