"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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