I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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