Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
