i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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