I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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