no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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