i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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