We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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